Things fall apart

My center is not holding today. It seems as though everything I touch is turning to crap. I don't mean this on a metaphysical level ... because life is good - but I'm a clumsy sumbitch!

It started with Bella's blueberry waffles this morning. Somehow, I dripped the syrup onto my feet ... and then got carpet fuzz stuck to me. Then, of course, Bella decided to tip the waffle plate onto the floor and I had almost caught it, but then I just made it worse.

Then I decided to try Campbell's Select Harvest Maryland crab soup, but I hate fish and I hate all things fishy. But I had a bowl of clam chowder once in Reagan National while waiting on a flight from DC to Boston and that clam chowder was good when mixed with hot sauce, so I decided to attempt the soup because it was $1.15 at Walmart and I love soup. So anyway! I added shredded cheese and hot sauce to the soup ... but it was still crab soup and therefore it was disgusting. And when I was trying to dump the soup, I spilled it all over myself.

Then I tried to make lunch for Bella but she spit out the ravioli. So I cut up ham into tiny chunks, but then I tripped and spilled the ham everywhere. By this point, I had to go have a moment by myself lest I scream at someone for my own lack of grace. After I got myself together, I cut up more ham and fed it to the girl, who liked it (she really liked it!) ... but then she kicked the bowl over and ham went all over the carpet.

At that point I gave up. I did a Sudoku puzzle in the bathroom, then took a long lukewarm shower (to make up for not being conservative with my water use) during which I hacked off the thickets of hair on my legs and arm pockets), then I put my contacts in (because contacts make me more graceful than glasses do) and put on clean clothes. Now I'm headed out to do some destruction in the world ... because my house can't take any more of me.

Hope you're having a better Sunday.


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