The Stepford Kid

My son, who sometimes morphs into the Stepford Kid without warning me first, was on his best behavior at the dinner table tonight. He was recounting his day as a Terrific Kid (which he confessed to me earlier this week, he begged to be) and how yesterday he chose a boy to sit in the lunch booth* with him, so today he chose a girl.

That girl happened to be Jasmine R. (who he readily admits he loves). We tried to shake him so we asked him if they spent lunch making wedding plans, sang a few lines of "Javi and Jasmine sitting in a tree," and made funny faces at him. He didn't take the bait. Instead, he acted as though he was embarrassed by our elementary school antics. He rolled his eyes at me as if to say, geez Mom. I would NOT choose you to sit with me at the lunch booth.

So Billy and I got tired of the game and began to move on to other topics of conversation. That's when the real Javi burst forward. With all the sincerety he could muster, he revealed to us "Well, me and Jasmine did talk about how Dayquon** farted during pledge."

I almost choked on my food. Not because toilet humor is above me. Believe me, it's not. But this kid is like Jekyl and Hyde. One minute he's a fastidious Alex-P-Keaton (if he were liberal) in training and the next he's making fart noises with his arm pockets. Anyway, after I recovered, I asked him if that's really how the conversation went. Here's his recap:

I said "remember how dayquon farted when we said the pledge?" And then Jasmine said "yeah, he farted really loud." And then I said "I would never fart during the pledge" and Jasmine said "you should only fart in the bathroom or at home when people can't hear you" and then I said "or hang your butt out the door like my mom makes me do." And she said that was a good idea.
Classic. Just classic. I'd like to state that he saw no humor in this at all. He was really disgusted that Dayquon dared fart in the classroom and knows he's right because Jasmine agrees with him. I suppose they'll have to put up with Dayquon ... for now.

* Sitting in a lunch booth is the most sought after privilege and the reason most kids strive for Terrific Kid. Also, you get to choose your partner ... though Javi takes that duty very seriously.
** Along with Dayquon, there is a Shaquon and Jayquon in Javi's classroom. Move over Jaden, there's a new name ending in town!


  • courtney

    Ah Kelly, I can always count on your blog to make me cry (letter to Bella) & absolutely laugh my butt off! This was hysterical!!!

  • Katie Jones

    I had a Da'Qu'ain my first year of teaching (pronounced Dayquon... gotta love the double apostrophes), but I haven't had a Shayquon or Jayquon yet. Congrats to Javi for being terrific kid... and for not farting during the pledge!

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