1. Why am I still awake?
2. I think I drink too much caffeine. I should drink more water ... and exercise.
3. If I drank more water and exercised, I'd probably lose weight.
4. If I lost weight, I bet I could get my shit together.
5. Why do I think losing weight will help? I know many fat and organized people.
6. But I've always been disorganized as shit and I've always been fat. Surely there's a connection.
7. I wonder if Billy knows I'm dealing with insomnia?
8. I wonder why I can't use insomnia to get work done?
9. I bet if I could get work done, I'd have time to be organized and exercise.
10. I wish I would just go ahead and bake that cake that's been hanging out in the cabinet.
11. See? That's why you're fat. You're laying up at 1 am and you'd eat cake if you had it.
12. I should just go to bed.
13. I bet if I went to bed, I'd eventually fall asleep.
14. I bet if I got more sleep, I'd get my shit together and get work done and be less fat.
15. I'm so tired. And fat. And f'ing disorganized.
16. Lord. Those children will be awake soon. And they'll be hungry. And moody. And I'll be exhausted.
17. I bet if I lost weight and got my shit together and was less fat, I'd be a better parent.
18. If I were a better parent, I wouldn't worry that I'm ruining Javi's life and that Bella loves her daddy more than she does me and that Billy is going to leave me because we don't have sex often enough.
19. I would eat the shit out of that damned cake if I'd baked it.
20. Why am I still awake?