Cherry Tree Syndrome

This is Javi:

Shortly after this photo was taken, Javi decided to steal a handful of fresh cherries out of his mother's snack bowl. He stuffed a couple in his mouth and tried to chew them as quickly as possible so that he could finish the others in his hand before grabbing more. Unfortunately, that furious chewing and swallowing resulted in a serious misstep.

He swallowed a cherry pit.

So began an 18-hour saga of Cherry Tree Syndrome. Javi's mom couldn't resist acting horrified that he ate the pit because -- doesn't he know? -- that pit will sprout in his belly and a cherry tree will grow up, up, up, (same way the food gets down) until the branches erupt from his ears.

Hour 2: Severe and random belly aches.
Hour 15: Feeling the tree as it grows big.
Hour 17: Spotting its leaves just beyond non-lighted sight in his ear drums.

His mom had to break the first layer of bad news. If the branches happen to grow into his brain, Javi will no longer be one of the smartest kids in his class. He'll probably be last on the PBS board and won't be able to remember his times tables for the third grade. He may not be able to swoosh a basketball in the net from 15 feet a way. He most likely will forget how to ride a bike.

Then came the second layer of bad news. He can't simply prune the branches as they come out of his ears. Nope. That's because the branches will push through poor Javi's eardrum and bring part of it out with them. So if he trims the branches, he's likely to also sever his eardrum.

Which will leave him deaf.

Javi then used his brand new (to him) desktop computer, which sits upon his brand new (to him) computer desk, to search for cures for a sprouted-in-the-body cherry tree. He used search terms like, "how to get a cherry tree out of your body," "what happens when you swallow a cherry pit," and "weed killers for cherry trees in your ears."

Unfortunately, Ask.com returned no useful information. Javi used Ask.com because that's what his Internet browser defaulted to. He never asked his mom what other sites might be good for finding a cure to Cherry Tree Syndrome.

Poor Javi. Will he ever find a cure?