This Friday's guest post comes from Christine at Coffees and Commutes, a woman who astounds and inspires me with her quest to understand herself and her place in this world. I'm happy to follow her journey and learn more about myself along the way.
Time Away
I’m headed out of town this weekend for a much needed weekend pow wow with some of my best girlfriends. We gather at this time every year at a fishing hole buried deep in the forests of rural Ontario to spend hours scrapbooking and laughing free from the responsibility of running our homes and tending to our children.
I left my oldest son for a weekend getaway when he 15 months; my second son when he was 11 months. I was gone only a couple of nights for each, but it was time away nonetheless. Since then I’ve had several child-free vacations with my husband, and many weekends away on my own.
When I leave, I do so without reservation. The break offers perspective and helps me feel renewed. But more importantly, my leaving offers my sons quality time alone with their father. It’s an opportunity for them to bond and to enjoy each other's company, without my interference or influence. They get to know each other better and are free to just be boys. Just as I deserve time away, so do they deserve time alone, together.
As mothers, we naturally love our children and feel responsible for their day-to-day well being. But sometimes I think it can be difficult to think beyond the intensity of emotion that surrounds this responsibility. I know it’s easy for me to get wrapped up believing that I’m the most important person in their life.
I automatically assume that I’m the only one who can provide the comfort and love they need. When they tumble and bump their head or scrape a knee, I swiftly scoop them out of their father’s arms. Isn’t it true that there is nothing better than the loving arms of a mother? But it’s injustice to my children, and my husband.
The reality is there will be times when I can’t be there, when they will need to find comfort on their own and rely on coping strategies that don’t involve me. That’s real life. That’s why I believe it’s good for them to receive love and care from others and for them to understand that there are other adults in their lives who they can rely on and trust. The more adults who make a difference in their lives, the richer my boys will be for it.
It’s true that there really is no substitute for a mother’s love. But that doesn’t mean they need only me every day. Time away from one another is healthy, for all of us. As much as it strengthens their bond with their father and others, so does it renew my ability to cope with the daily trials of motherhood. Whenever I travel, I come back missing them, wanting to see them, ready to enjoy them once again. I feel less frustrated and better able to cope.
That’s why I can enjoy time away without guilt.
Want to be a guest blogger? Shoot me an email and I'll get you in the lineup! And if you're looking for more great around-the-neighborhood posts (including mine), hop over to Amy's.
Thank you, Christine, for pointing out what so many of us forget. Getting away rejuvenates us but it also leaves a special and rule-free (at least in my house) opportunity for memory making with dad. I'm planning my getaway now!
Thank you for the introduction Kelly. I'm not sure how inspiring I am, but I certainly appreciate your support along the way. And thanks for having me today! Headed out for my weekend soon.
You both are always consistently great, so it's wonderful to see you sharing space!
I cried when I left my oldest for the first time. Same thing with my second. I've yet to leave my baby, but I bet it will be the same. I completely agree that getting away is necessary and productive (for everyone!), but it sure isn't easy. My poor heart breaks each time ... until that first taste of sleeping late and waking when I want, of course. =>
Always love the neighborhood sharing, whether I meet a new friend or see an old one!
Christine, it took me a little longer to stay overnight away from Jack, and my husband and I STILL haven't managed to (that has everything to do with our gargantuan construction project, though, two years and counting!) - but I definitely enjoy the time, and I also think of it as a great opportunity for Jack and his dad to have some guy time. I'm guilty, too, of taking over in that 'only I can do it' sort of way.
Happy ladies' weekend!
The first time I left Bella, I was at a Jaycees convention. I drank too much wine at dinner and promptly cried when someone else brought their 10 month old into the room. If they brought there's, how could I leave mine?
I blame a large part on the alcohol, but another part was all me.
Miss D. had colic, so I think John Wayne Gacy could have knocked on the door and I'd have handed her over.
Still...you do miss the mess and noise and mayhem a little bit when you get away. For me, the first day is the hardest and then--voila! I begin to breathe again.
This is an important reminder Christine. I am always hesitant to leave my daughter for vacations, thinking that no one else can take "care" of her. But recently for the first time in five years, my husband and I took a kid free vaca to Santa Barbara. It felt like such a mind-body renewal cherishing the feelings of momentary freedom from my responsibilities as a mommy.