Growing out of it

I haven't written here about Javi's attention and impulsivity issues in a while. For one, I have a dedicated outlet for those types of posts. But also? Things are getting so much better.

I've been told in the past that kids often "grow out of it" and I always rolled my eyes. My mother and father never grew out of ADHD. My sister hasn't grown out of it. As I simplify and try to redefine my life, I see how I've never grown out of it.

But what I'm learning is that maturity makes a huge difference. Add maturity to a host of other variables like a stable, organized home life; a consistent, reliable schedule; an experienced, proactive teacher; and a medication choice that works. I don't think "huge difference" states it strongly enough. Life altering success comes close.

Yes, things are so much better than they were. We haven't grown out of ADHD, though. It's still there. It still must be managed and planned for and adjusted to. Only now when it rears its head, I take time to laugh, see my role, spot what might have made things work out differently, involve him a strategy session, and then move on.

Every few days I get little visual reminders that none of this is natural for him. Calm and orderly and organized may never be labels that feel comfortable on his tall, skinny body. Take this for instance:

This is what I encountered when looking for a container for leftovers after dinner yesterday. Can you guess whose chore it is to put clean dishes away? Ah, yes. My child who has been identified as academically and intellectually gifted and does above-grade-level work and is the darling of his social circle. That's the one.

And after me coaching him through a re-do, we currently have this:

Such is our life. Such is his life. We both have to work at it, and over time that work will seem easier even if it never seems natural.

It could be so much worse.

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Update: In response to laziness/disorganization/"he's a man!" -- the difference between the Mountain Man's sloppy disorganization and Javi's sloppy disorganization is that the MM (and probably you, too) is capable of organizing a cabinet. For most, it's a matter of motivation and caring enough to do it.

In Javi's case, he will work with those containers all night and still be unable to organize them. I should take pictures of his multiple attempts. He has to be taught organization and then have the lesson hammered home to him again and again. No amount of motivation or desire to succeed (or just be done with it already) will change how he processes the job of putting the containers away.

He also struggles with stacking cups and completing puzzles. It's a processing thing that requires strategies. For the containers, I've taught him to find the biggest item first and put it next to the next-biggest item. He makes a line of descending order and then starts with the smallest thing and moves backward. The different shapes threw him off. Now he has learned to separate the shapes and then start the process.