Regarding my earlier post: I should never watch Intervention while looking through old photos. I cry and snot and feel too deeply. Let's shake off the melancholy and get light.
Here are a few things you will not catch me doing, ever (and don't try to convince me otherwise):
Entering my child in a beauty pageant. I don't understand why parents prance their toddlers around in expensive clothes (they likely can't afford) and under way too much makeup. My daughter is a cutiepants and I know it. She knows it. We don't need the validation or attention that comes from a $2 trophy that's handed out to everyone who pays the right amount of money. If she chooses to enter a pageant one day, I'll support her -- but it's her body, her decision, and should have nothing to do with me.
Swimming in the ocean. Do you know what lives in the ocean? Sharks. Great big sharks with razor-sharp teeth and millenia-old instincts to rip me limb from limb. There's also poop -- fish poop, shark poop, people poop (the worst). No thanks. I'll stick to the pool conveniently located not 50 feet away from your salty cesspool. Thanks much.
Jumping off of stuff. It's unnatural. I mean, if I was designed to jump off cliffs or out of planes or from bridges with a cord strapped to my ankle, then I'd be the indestructible girl. But I'm not indestructible and you won't convince me to hurl it off of things. Any things. So give up.
Walk under ladders, or open umbrellas inside, or break mirrors. Yeah, I'm a firm believer in superstition. They were developed for a reason and I'm not one to play with danger. Just move around the ladder. You want to open an umbrella, go outside and open it to your heart's content. Do what you want with your mirrors. Be my guest. But don't try to drag me into your bad luck!
I'm not interested in why you love it or why everyone else is doing it. I don't care that you LOVE IT and it's the most fantastic experience in the whole world and if you haven't tried it then you haven't truly lived. Just .. no. Now let's move on, shall we?