Happy Spring!

It's springtime in the Southland! (Technically, it's been spring here for a while with 80 degree temps since late-February and a thick yellow coating of pollen on every outdoor surface.) But today was official and we commemorated it in our favorite way: Spring planting. This year, however, my most avid helper had her own little planting to do -- thanks to a gift from her grandma.

The Chia herb garden. It's a long-standing joke in our house that you have to get at least one silly, as-seen-on-tv gift and that was Bella's this past Christmas. She jumped through hoops to be able to do her planting and took the job very seriously. (And she made sure to wear her "shade hat" to protect her eyes even though we'd be inside [see early comment on the pollen].)

May the next six months or so -- which are guaranteed to be miserably hot and buggy -- be as sweet and fun as our little afternoon of planting was.

Read more about "Happy Spring!"...

The Beauty of a Bean

Hi. It's been a while. Things are great. Ashley's great. She, Jeremy, Kate, and I update quite frequently here. In other news, there's been birthday party planning, surgery-recovery assistance, website building, and non-fun real-job writing. Let's call it even and start fresh, yes?

Something special happened a few weeks ago. We -- Kate, Jeremy, Ashley, and I -- were in Ashley's hospital room. Jeremy had just been discharged, so he and Kate had stopped by to say their goodbyes and were half out the door when the hospital mail staff came in.

A little birdie had told Kate and I that something was being delivered for Jeremy and Ashley, but we didn't know much else. When the mail cart had two identical boxes, we knew something special was about to happen. There was no way to prepare for the surprise and delight we'd get when Jeremy and Ashley opened their boxes.

Inside a plain brown box was our first hint: White tissue paper with fancy gold lettering we didn't pay much attention to at first. Cradled inside that paper? A tell-tale blue box that sent the girls squealing (and Jeremy wondering what in the hell was happening).

Jeremy, three days post-surgery, wearing an I Heart Guts "When Urine Love" tee. 

If you have two X chromosomes, you recognize this box. Yes. Tiffany's. And it wasn't one little blue box -- it was three of them, complete with thoughtful personalized letters from Rob Waters, the director of Charlotte, NC's Tiffany & Co.

Nestled inside those boxes were three stunning Elsa Peretti necklaces from the Bean collection. Delicate, perfectly crafted, and the one thing that brought home to us how one kidney had changed our worlds.

Shock and awe and joy and totally inability to do anything but keep looking to make sure it's real. (And Kate making sure no one threw away that gorgeous tissue paper!)

Ashley, three days post-transplant, not yet as cool as Jeremy.

Thank you, Mr. Waters, for your kindness and generosity. And thank you to the special little elves who I have a feeling have more than a little something to do with this random act of extreme kindness.


Every time I look at my bean pendant or see it on my sister's neck or Kate's (who feels like a sister at this point), I am reminded that a person can move mountains ... so long as she has the shoulders of an amazing community to stand on.

Thank you for being that community.

(You can see more photos and read Kate's account of the big moment on their blog, where they are detailing their experience with kidney donation.)

Read more about "The Beauty of a Bean"...

A kidney for a cutie

It's happening. My baby sister (who's not actually the baby anymore, but I can't help but think of her that way) is being prepped for surgery. The surgery. The transplant she fought for when all the odds were stacked against her.

She's excited and hopeful. Her donor and his wife are excited and hopeful with a good heaping of nervous. The rest of us still can't believe it's actually happening.

If you'd asked me just six months ago if Ashley would be getting her transplant just five short months from our first big fundraiser, I would've laughed in your face. I would've rolled my eyes and secretly seethed at your naivete.

I've found that my nerves can't handle people who think things magically happen, people who say things like, "God won't let that happen" or "In His time, not ours" or "If He brings you to it, He'll bring you through it."

Maybe He will. I mean, yes, He will, and He has. But he didn't do it without the blood, sweat, and tears of a team of hard working men and women from across the globe. He is bringing us through it on the backs of flesh-and-blood friends and family and strangers who feel like family.

And so, tomorrow. A girl gets to make a five-year plan. A boy fulfills a spiritual mission that feels ordained. The stars are aligning and three separate families are coming together to move the molehill that started out as a mountain.

I just want to thank each and every "virtual friend" who donated to Ashley's medical fund, bought a tee shirt, sent up a prayer, or reached out with a kind word. Life is spinning further and further away from calm, so I'm not here as often as I'd like, but I'm paying attention and so is she.

In twelve hours, my sister gets a new lease on life. There aren't words to express our gratitude. I have to settle for, simply, thank you.

Read more about "A kidney for a cutie"...

Married Ryan Gosling

I need distraction. And distraction comes in no form more safely smoldering than Ryan Gosling. And so I present for your amusement: Married Ryan Gosling.

You have to click on this one to get the full effect.

See?

Read more about "Married Ryan Gosling"...

Tales of a Fifth Grade Something

My son is obsessed with football and accuracy. In that order. Javi wants to be right, always, and cannot hold back from gracing the world with his opinion on all things.

Therefore, it shouldn't have come as a surprise when his name was announced not once but twice for winning top honors last week. Young Authors state winner. Fifth grade science fair winner. Labels that no one could've forseen my inattentive, impulse, argumentative, over-reactive boy ever wearing.

ADHD is an insidious thing in that it hides behind beautiful brown eyes and a wide smile. It sneaks in when you think you've cast it off. But, sometimes, it convinces you to lower your expectations, cast down your eyes, and pray that your child will only blend in and never stand out.

And so, Javi's ability to shine shouldn't have surprised me, but it did. That's the trap ADHD set for me.

Despite the pain of getting caught in a sharp-toothed trap, the realization that I've underestimated Javi hurts worse. I've been holding on, white-knuckled, to hopes of anonymity. Let him not stand out. Let him be a middling student, a face in the crowd, a voice that speaks neither too softly nor too loudly.

Let him be average.

After six long years of public education, six years of phone calls and letters and constant complaint. He can't sit still, he won't stop talking, he argues, he jumps, he hits, he stares off into the distance.... Six. Long. Years.

Of course, two top awards and one week don't erase the weariness of time and effort to appease and fit in. And, unfortunately, the world doesn't stop spinning at fifth grade.

We're facing middle school and beyond. Tougher academics, heavier social demands, a maturing student body that may well leave my sweet Javi far behind. Yet, the lesson's been learned, for me, the hard way.

I will not push my child to be less than his very best self. I will not cloud his potential to shine. I will not allow ADHD or anything else to mask Javi's particular combination of intelligence and creativity under the guise of average.

Congratulations to my oldest on excelling in both writing and science. You are a wonderful student -- and an even better teacher.

***This post is part of Wordful Wednesdays.***

Read more about "Tales of a Fifth Grade Something"...

And so it begins...

We have many Braverman days in the Miller homestead. I didn't realize we'd be having Buckman days, too. Let's start at the beginning: Javi's braces were removed a couple weeks ago. He's a double retainer kid now, with a retainer for his top teeth and one for his bottom teeth.

Each and every time he wants to eat, he takes out his retainers and sets them next to his plate or on a napkin. Each and every time, we force him go find his case and put those expensive pieces of metal where they belong. Each and every time.

Except last night. (You know how this story is going to end, don't you?) We had dinner at a local burger joint and Javi, of course, forgot to bring his container. We rolled our eyes and moved on with dinner. Fast forward to 30 minutes after we'd gotten back home.

Homeboy realized he'd left his retainers wrapped up in a napkin on the table at the restaurant. (Surprise!) He and the Mountain Man raced back over to recover the retainer but, of course, the table had been cleared and the trash had just been taken out.

Can you guess where my guys were for the next hour or so? Yes, that's right. Digging through the dumpster behind the restaurant. Gnawed chicken bones, clumps of chili fries, grease, wads of toilet paper, plastic utensils -- all wet, all foul, and none of it even pretending to be retainers. That's right. No retainers.

An hour of digging through trash and we still have to pay $300 to replace them, leading to this:

Survey says we should get used to it. Lord help us all.

Read more about "And so it begins..."...

QOTD: Imagination, Year 4

It's been another of those weeks, but I have no complaints. And I'll soon be sharing some really fantastic news with everyone. In the meantime, I realized it's been forever since I posted a few "kids say the darnedest things" anecdotes -- and there are some really good ones happening these days.

Bella is on the tail-end of Year 4, and I adore this age. She's still sweet and cuddly but she's whip smart and learning new things every day.

Bella and her "baby" Wormy, who she tells me was born from her leg and that's why he's so long.

However, her imagination is also growing my leaps and bounds, making it easier for her to develop story lines and make spurious connections that leave me shaking my head in wonder at this amazing child of mine.

Example 1: This week, I had to meet with my friend Sara who’s also a lawyer. She had agreed to file some paperwork for me, but we had to meet after school hours. That meant I showed up towing my 2:30pm-to-7:30pm shadow, known in the wild as Bella.

Despite my fear that she’d be ridiculous, she was only a mild disturbance and most of her interruptions were out of curiosity. Because I don’t like indulging her with serious answers (which only lead to more questions) in adult situations, my standard answer to complicated questions is, "the elves did it," which normally quiets her because OF COURSE the elves did it.

I used this excuse several times during my meeting with Sara and again when I dropped by a different office to sign some other papers. Both of these offices contained one distinct and matching item: a red foam high heel (as both women are members of the same women’s professional group).

Later, Bella explained her afternoon to the Mountain Man this way:

Daddy, we went to Mrs. Sara’s and there was a red high heel and it had glitter on it because her elf wears glitter and then we went to another lady’s room and she had a red high heel too but it didn’t have any glitter but it did have rat traps but only the bad elfs have to eat the rats from the trap and Murray Grace is NOT a bad elf.

All in one breath and with big eyes and a knowing grin. Because there are secrets in this world -- secrets like elves -- and she knows them. Because her imagination allows her to create twists and turns without the heavy weight of logic.

(And note that I didn't notice the traps. The woman whose office has the traps did mention they had discovered some field mice and had put out live traps. Bella must've absorbed this information, though she never commented on it nor discussed it with me later.)

Example #2: Javi learned a new joke. He points in the general direction of something that has an underside, such as the seat of a booth in a restaurant. Then he asks someone, "What’s under there?" The person is supposed to reply, "Under where?" -- which is HILARIOUS because it’s "underwear." Right?

Okay, so he asked 50 million times and we never said "Under where?" so he finally broke down and explained it. Then this happened:

Bella: You didn’t ask me, Jav!
Javi: Okay. What’s under there? [points under Bella’s seat]
Bella: Panties!

Everyone but Javi found that hilarious. Javi let us know he would NOT be playing with us anymore.

Now share. What are you loving about your child's stage of development? What's your favorite anecdote from the week?

Read more about "QOTD: Imagination, Year 4"...