27.9.11

Rising

I'm living slightly under the surface. I can see the world a couple layers of murk, but I can't seem to break through to it just yet.

Mainly the work just piles up. This would be a good thing except the work isn't all paid. There's fundraising for my sister, volunteering in my normal gigs, my side project, and a feast-or-famine freelance career that is suprisingly feasty right now. The kids and the guy get my late afternoons and evenings, work gets everything else.

Some days I feel like I can't breathe. I fell asleep Saturday afternoon around 3pm after pulling double duty on Friday and Saturday for two different volunteer needs. I slept until 8am the next morning. That's more hours than I can count ... and I could've slept longer. Who does that?

And so. I'm here. I'm not finding much time to read anything, but I feel the loss of so many voices and so many experiences. It's tangible.

I'm slightly under the surface, but I'm rising. Slowly.

Update: I just turned down a 3-month contract for a tech writing job! I can't believe I did that. I started to take it, but I've done that contract before and it sucked the life out of me and I don't want to do anything else right now that doesn't engage my creative side. Holy cow. I just took a really deep breath of fresh(ening) air.

9 comments:

  • Amber

    And I'll be here, always. xoxo

  • iseeyoulookingatme

    Kelly, I understand. Totally. I do that sometimes.

  • Bibliomama

    You're busting your ass trying to raise money for your sister, on top of everything else - if you have a chance to bridge a nap into a sleep, you'd be a moron not to take it. xoxoxoxo

  • BigLittleWolf

    I get it. On many levels, I get it. Right now I'm living the famine. Frightening. And it makes the murk worse.

    You have so many other things going on, Kelly. If you're getting by (with feast) right now - it's enough. It's no doubt too much. The murk is natural and maybe even necessary. It helps to provide the necessary remove to keep going.

  • Rudri Bhatt Patel @ Being Rudri

    Glad to see your words again Kelly. Take your time. We will be here.

  • Hyacynth

    By turning that down, you were practicing kindness toward yourself. And sometimes, we need that, you know. Good job on listening to the pulse of life before adding another strain. <3

  • Anonymous

    Maybe it's time to back off of the "normal" volunteering gigs for a while, until the famine comes back around. Prioritize. 1. Family (and work comes under family, since it pays the bills), 2. close friends, 3. community.

    And yeah, passing on a draining piece of work during an extremely busy feast phase is a very sane thing to do.

  • Kelly

    @Anon - I volunteer with close friends and usually drag along my family, so it's a threefer. I place a high priority on volunteerism. Plus much of my volunteer work is fundraising for my sister, so that's the priority these days.

    However, I have delegated much of the next few months' work to others and I'm not taking on anything new. I do have a parade to plan! :)

  • Cheryl

    Don't forget yourself in the midst of doing so much for others. I know as a freelancer how hard it is to turn down work, but health and sanity are more important than money. This is what I'm finally starting to learn myself, anyway. Your sister is in my prayers.

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