Week's end

leave it to me to lose five pounds and then turn around and eat a muffin. after having indian buffet for lunch. i'm not flogging myself, though, cause i went to the gym everyday this week and i'm going walking today and on a hike tomorrow. dammit.

i hate being fat in the spring. in the winter i feel prepared, well stocked, powerful. the power could go out, the grocery stores close, the call come down from on high that we may not consume anything living or dead and i'd be okay. my fat stores could last me months.

however, in the spring time, i feel sluggish and clumsy. dumb. ugly. haphazard. i feel like a run-on sentence; there's too much of me and not enough stuff to contain and sort me.

so the muffin. and the iced chai lattes every morning and counter attempts of liters of water and gym haunts. and the pony tails and tank tops under cardigans. i just want to stop the see saw.

for the weekend: must pay better attention to my seeds, if i've not ruined them already. i forgot to water them for a couple days. may have to start over. must find time for the boy to paint - we've been too busy for the last few weeks, but this weekend painting has made it on to the to-do list.

may the walk make me feel better about the muffin. and may you, also, find something to do today to erase the bad stuff - temporarily, at least.