6.1.04

In motion

i watched this corny movie this weekend - Buying The Cow. ever seen it? it was typical and nonchallenging, but i was struck by a line of dialogue.

woman: the worst thing you can do is lose the person you love because you're afraid of commitment.
man: no, the worst thing you can do is commit to the wrong person because you're afraid of loneliness.

ain't THAT the damned truth. luckily, i know my fears come from that nasty commitment phobia and not from any hesitation about whether or not miller is the perfect fit for me. we're interlocking pieces, this i know.

however, in light of that mini-revelation, and after watching antoine fisher and crying through the entire movie, i have stumbled on my 5 year plan. it involves spitting out a biological kid next year (2005) and then fostering/adopting american kids after 2009.

cause, ya know, not enough american kids are adopted. or fostered. and i have the ability, the desire, and the resources to pitch in. is this a resolution? i hadn't really thought of that til just now, but i don't think it is. when i saw the angelina jolie interview with barbara walters and she said "i cannot consciously birth a child knowing there are so many in this world with no family," i completely agreed. that spoke to me. that has been my secret belief that i'm only now voicing.

however, i must compromise with my partner who intently wants a biological child. selfish though i think it is, i understand the biological/social urge to father and raise your offspring. but after that? i'm done with procreating.

uh. i got off track here. i suppose commitment and family and my sociopolitcal ideas are all interconnected, but i think i came here wanting to tell you that i'm up and moving and trying to use 2004 to set up the rest of my life.

i also wanted to tell you that listening to rickie lee jones and reading color lines is not the way to discourage myself.

2 comments:

  • AuNaturaleBeauti

    Wow, I feel exactly the same way. Reading this made me feel as if you have been listening to my thoughts. =) I plan on adopting with in the next five to six years.

  • Kelly

    Thank you for commenting on such an old post! I still feel this way and pretty much followed my plan except that after 2 children I realized that I may be more of an asset in a mentoring/big sister role than parent role for the foster children in our community. My kids wear me out! Fostering is still on the agenda for after they're a bit older, though!

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