leave it to me to lose five pounds and then turn around and eat a muffin. after having indian buffet for lunch. i'm not flogging myself, though, cause i went to the gym everyday this week and i'm going walking today and on a hike tomorrow. dammit.
i hate being fat in the spring. in the winter i feel prepared, well stocked, powerful. the power could go out, the grocery stores close, the call come down from on high that we may not consume anything living or dead and i'd be okay. my fat stores could last me months.
however, in the spring time, i feel sluggish and clumsy. dumb. ugly. haphazard. i feel like a run-on sentence; there's too much of me and not enough stuff to contain and sort me.
so the muffin. and the iced chai lattes every morning and counter attempts of liters of water and gym haunts. and the pony tails and tank tops under cardigans. i just want to stop the see saw.
for the weekend: must pay better attention to my seeds, if i've not ruined them already. i forgot to water them for a couple days. may have to start over. must find time for the boy to paint - we've been too busy for the last few weeks, but this weekend painting has made it on to the to-do list.
may the walk make me feel better about the muffin. and may you, also, find something to do today to erase the bad stuff - temporarily, at least.
12.3.04
9.3.04
repeat
i don't think anyone should dislike their officemate as much as i dislike mine.
it was all good before i had to move in with closet racist/homophobe/misogynist who calls himself a music snob cause he likes the beatles and deathcab and guided by voices. i call him white, privileged and sheltered, but then again - as you can tell by my assessment of his character, we aren't exactly on the same side of the political fence.
anyway, my focus lenses burn the fuck outta my eyes and the weather forecast calls for rain and snow today. it's incredibly bright and blue outside right now, but definitely colder than it has been since the last snow. did i mention i dislike snow? snow and my officemate.
though you couldn't tell it by this entry, i'm actually in a good mood. i've got some interviews lined up for today and class tonight, but nothing that i can't handle.
johnny cash on repeat helps.
it was all good before i had to move in with closet racist/homophobe/misogynist who calls himself a music snob cause he likes the beatles and deathcab and guided by voices. i call him white, privileged and sheltered, but then again - as you can tell by my assessment of his character, we aren't exactly on the same side of the political fence.
anyway, my focus lenses burn the fuck outta my eyes and the weather forecast calls for rain and snow today. it's incredibly bright and blue outside right now, but definitely colder than it has been since the last snow. did i mention i dislike snow? snow and my officemate.
though you couldn't tell it by this entry, i'm actually in a good mood. i've got some interviews lined up for today and class tonight, but nothing that i can't handle.
johnny cash on repeat helps.
8.3.04
Adoption is close!
got a call from the social worker and my lawyer today. both told me the good and bad news.
bad: the bumbling idiot social worker never submitted her decision.
good news: my wonderful lawyer took care of everything.
therefore, Javi is officially mine 10 days from friday (the 5th). no more false promises. this time it'll be for real.
bad: the bumbling idiot social worker never submitted her decision.
good news: my wonderful lawyer took care of everything.
therefore, Javi is officially mine 10 days from friday (the 5th). no more false promises. this time it'll be for real.
5.3.04
Red fish
in my love-stupor yesterday i bought another pack of finger paints and a set of watercolors and brushes for the little one. he told me he was going to paint Red -- the fish, who used to be named Green until the winds changed and pluck devised a much better moniker. i said okay.
how bout i found that child dragging the kitchen stool into the living room, paint brush in hand. he literally meant paint Red. i had the urge to both beat him and help him.
luckily for the fish, i redirected him to the table and a fresh piece of paper. unluckily for me, pluck does not like the idea of a brush and so, i had to lava him to get the watercolors out of his skin.
so much for that.
this morning was glorious with full sun and blue skies. people in the south scare me, though. three days of 80 degree weather and they're dropping their kids at daycare in shorts, tank tops and sandals. uh, hello? it snowed last week.
javi looks like a little puritan in his 'soldier pants', power rangers tee and spiderman shoes. yes, he's a pacifist's nightmare today, but c'mon - it's daycare! you got to send them in something you don't mind coming home filthy.
anyway, i jetsetted to work with a pluck original in hand, stopped at world market for a frame (will become a good friend's bday gift) and then at *$ for a tall-mild-nonfat-no drip-misto (which is fucking delicious). i'm wearing a white vneck tee, olive pinstriped surf shorts and brown thong sandals*. my hair is washed and gloriously curly. i've got freshly ordered contacts in and only a half day at work.
the possibilities are endless.
*adults can dress like it's july in the beginning of march. adults who dress their children like it's july in the beginning of march are idiots.
how bout i found that child dragging the kitchen stool into the living room, paint brush in hand. he literally meant paint Red. i had the urge to both beat him and help him.
luckily for the fish, i redirected him to the table and a fresh piece of paper. unluckily for me, pluck does not like the idea of a brush and so, i had to lava him to get the watercolors out of his skin.
so much for that.
this morning was glorious with full sun and blue skies. people in the south scare me, though. three days of 80 degree weather and they're dropping their kids at daycare in shorts, tank tops and sandals. uh, hello? it snowed last week.
javi looks like a little puritan in his 'soldier pants', power rangers tee and spiderman shoes. yes, he's a pacifist's nightmare today, but c'mon - it's daycare! you got to send them in something you don't mind coming home filthy.
anyway, i jetsetted to work with a pluck original in hand, stopped at world market for a frame (will become a good friend's bday gift) and then at *$ for a tall-mild-nonfat-no drip-misto (which is fucking delicious). i'm wearing a white vneck tee, olive pinstriped surf shorts and brown thong sandals*. my hair is washed and gloriously curly. i've got freshly ordered contacts in and only a half day at work.
the possibilities are endless.
*adults can dress like it's july in the beginning of march. adults who dress their children like it's july in the beginning of march are idiots.
4.3.04
ZOMG!
Guess who really is a parent?
No, not like "responsible for a kid" - i'm talking fullblown name on the birth certificate parent.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am officially, honored by the state of north carolina and the federal government of this u.s. of a., javi's recognized court-appointed MOTHER.
excuse me while i beam.
No, not like "responsible for a kid" - i'm talking fullblown name on the birth certificate parent.
.
.
.
.
.
.
ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am officially, honored by the state of north carolina and the federal government of this u.s. of a., javi's recognized court-appointed MOTHER.
excuse me while i beam.
3.3.04
The office
excuse me while i lament:
i've been in this position since november but i feel like i'm still the new girl. they all frolic together and i just sit at my desk and type type type away.
it's my lack of entitlement and insecurity and my feelings of worthlessness etc etc ad nauseum. i am an extrovert, but only when comfortable. these people all know each other and they go bowling and attend baseball games and eachother's parties. they ride in together and herd out for cigarette breaks.
i feel i've no footing here. i know they won't fire me, but can't i just get comfy? can't i get it together enough to make more than one friend in an office of 30 20-30 somethings?
i've been in this position since november but i feel like i'm still the new girl. they all frolic together and i just sit at my desk and type type type away.
it's my lack of entitlement and insecurity and my feelings of worthlessness etc etc ad nauseum. i am an extrovert, but only when comfortable. these people all know each other and they go bowling and attend baseball games and eachother's parties. they ride in together and herd out for cigarette breaks.
i feel i've no footing here. i know they won't fire me, but can't i just get comfy? can't i get it together enough to make more than one friend in an office of 30 20-30 somethings?
Question for single parents
question for you single parents:
how would you feel if you chose a partner and they refused to ever be alone with your kid? that is, you've been in a relationship for 8 months and they still won't watch your kid for you if you need it.
would it make or break your relationship? would you feel that the person isn't 100% if they refuse to pitch in with your child?
how would you feel if you chose a partner and they refused to ever be alone with your kid? that is, you've been in a relationship for 8 months and they still won't watch your kid for you if you need it.
would it make or break your relationship? would you feel that the person isn't 100% if they refuse to pitch in with your child?
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