Why women are unhappy

I wasn't surprised to see that women are unhappier today than they were 30 years ago. Yes, we have more freedom to choose what we want from life... but no, making that choice isn't any easier.

Marcus Buckingham reports that women's overall happiness has dropped relative to the 70s and relative to men's happiness, no matter how many kids they have, how much money they make, whether they are married, and what race they are. It seems wrong considering the 70s' battlecry for women's lib, the 80s' motto of "look how far you've come," and the 90s' standard "you go, girl."

But the stats don't feel wrong.

I know I have a cushy life. I have a job that allows me to work pantsless from the couch making pretty good money. My husband also brings home a nice paycheck. My children are smart, happy, and healthy. We have an affordable mortgage in an area with an okay school. We have a good group of friends, and our families live close enough to help out when we need them.

So why am I so often unhappy? Why do I question my motivations and dream about giving it all up in favor of a small paid-for-outright home on a patch of land in the country far from the rigors and demands of an ambitious life?

One of my favorite bloggers, Michelle Dortch, pointed out two very obvious reasons for most women's unhappiness: the "second shift" and comparison. I am very lucky that my second shift isn't that hard. Yes, I do the fill-in-the-gaps work, but Billy is extremely hands on both with the kids and the house work. I also try not to compare what I have (or don't have) to what everyone else seems to have. I've never felt compelled to stay at home or work outside of the home simply to do what someone else thinks is right.

However, I am stretched too thin. There's working full time, being responsible for everything my handsome husband chooses not to do (no choice for me), volunteering, being a good friend and family member. It's exhausting.

And I have to wonder. Did my 1960s counterpart spread herself thin like this, or did she focus on what was most important and let the rest fall by the wayside? I don't want to focus on baking cakes or making my husband's life stress free, but I also don't feel fulfilled staying up all night to finish up an article by deadline and then turning around and having to do the grocery shopping because there's nothing to eat and I'm the only one who knows how to prepare food fit for consumption (or who chooses to try).

The World Health Organization found that women start out their lives happier than men, but are much unhappier at the end of their lives. I can see this. We're filled up with promises of all we can achieve and how nothing can stop us. And so we try -- vigorously -- only to find that maybe we want something smaller. Something quieter. Something less ambitious. And what then?

Of course, I am my mother's daughter, so I have to wonder if a lifetime of struggling to fill in those gaps, of worrying about your children, of not having a choice about what you'll do or not do when it comes to family, of trying to have it all just wears us down. So at the end of our only run on Earth, we're tired and deflated and left wondering: Why didn't I do it differently?

I think men do what feels right and to hell with what anyone thinks. Women, on the other hand, try to squeeze out every drop of something -- including life -- and yet often wind up with an empty cup.

I'm making a promise today. I'm going to live my life so that, at the end of it, I am a happier person. I don't yet know how I'll do it, but I know what's making me unhappy today. And I'm vowing to change it. Will you?

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